Yesterday, I was forced to recognize two different ways ADHD presents for me.

First is, of course, forgetting tasks. Over the weekend, my mother asked me to do something. I agreed. I forgot because I didn’t write it down. My mother got annoyed.

Second is losing my train of thought, mid-sentence. I’ll have a grain of the idea I want to explore verbally and I get halfway through it, and I forget where I’m going with it. It happened three times yesterday as I facilitated a group therapy session on the topic of, you guessed it: forgiveness. And I saw the annoyance of my co-therapist flicker across her face.

And so today, I’m all: FUCK THAT. This is how my brain works. I’m doing my best to prevent these issues but I’m not flipping perfect. I’m doing my dang best.

I forgive my brain for flitting around. Brain’s gonna flit. Now… on to get that paper done that’s due tonight.

Where do I start?

The first week after the ADHD diagnosis was a revelation… I watched the incredible How to ADHD station on YouTube, I started keeping my planner more actively by writing down exactly what I wanted to get done and when as the thought occurred to me, and I felt realllly good.

But then, of course, the novelty wore off. And now I find myself actively avoiding looking at my planner despite having serious deadlines this week. So I know I have tons of stuff to do but I’m struggling to be able to prioritize and get anything started.

I guess the first step is… take out that planner and write it all down. Focus on my thoughts. And be kind to myself. Because the mean thoughts are still there and giving me a stomachache of anxiety. The annoying part is when it gets past the point of specific thoughts and I just wake up with a vague sense of dread that all the balls that I’m trying to keep up in the air come crashing down.

But no… open that planner. Anyone else deal with this?

“Pride is the antidote to shame”


While listening to the Additude’s podcast about ADHD, shame, and stigma, Dr. Dodson said this and I almost cried.

Objectively speaking: I am not a shitty person, stupid, or lazy. I work a full-time job, go to classes full-time at night, have an internship that I love, and work on being fully present, loving, and thoughtful with my kids as a single mom. I know these things, and yet… I always feel like I just suck as a person.

I always assumed that my sense of shame: that I’m a shitty person, stupid, lazy, etc. was probably due to being raised Catholic. (This is not an entirely impossible cause lol). But I had never considered the role ADHD has played in the development of my shame.

According my neuropsych eval, I have the Inattentive type of ADHD (aka “the daydreamers”). So throughout my childhood, I would get lost in thought, get distracted, lose track of what was happening. In an academic setting, what does that lead to if you’re called on for an answer? Confusion, embarrassment, shame. Or if the class was given instructions but you missed hearing a step and get corrected in front of your friends and classmates?… embarrassment and shame.

Over the years, I’ve developed a self-deprecating persona: if I say I’m shitty or stupid and laugh at myself, nobody else can. But… why? Literally no one has ever called me shitty (probably some exes but that’s comes with the territory) or stupid. It’s all in my damn head.

And yes, this voice is still there, telling me I suck. But over the last few years, I’ve accomplished things that I’m very proud of… see my current activities above, along with finally graduating and with honors for my Bachelors, doing fricking grad school (which was never in my life script), and advocating for my children and for mental health care in my community. My pride in what I’m doing is becoming the tool against those thoughts I have about myself that I wouldn’t dream of having about anyone else because they’re dicky and cruel thoughts

So here’s to having pride in yourself… I think I’m beginning to have pride in having ADHD because it doesn’t seem to stop me or anyone else I know who has it. Cheers

I’m pushing 40 and just got diagnosed with ADHD… now what? Start a blog, of course!

So, first things first, my apologies for any wonkiness of this site. I’ve never really done this before and I’ll be learning as I go with this whole thing.

Okay, why am I doing this? I’m a 37 year old mom, worker, student, etc. and I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. AND I’M FRICKING THRILLED ABOUT IT.

As long as I can remember, I have tried and failed to focus, to get things started, to get things done and with all those failure, I blamed myself. I felt like I was stupid because I lost track of what I was doing. I felt lazy because even though I wanted to get a particular task done, I kept pushing it off and pushing it off until it was the very last minute or… it didn’t get done. This was with everything: laundry, bills, papers for school, notes for work, cleaning the house.

After my two sons were diagnosed with ADHD I, of course, fell down the rabbit hole about the condition and I came across symptoms of undiagnosed adult ADHD. And I was essentially that Spiderman meme with the identical Spidermen pointing at each other.

So, now… I have the diagnosis. I have a name for what my brain does. And with that name comes ways to work with it. With medication, I hope, but also with cognitive and behavioral work. So this site is for me to share my experience and hopefully hear about others’ and exchange resources.

Now, I know was supposed to be doing something but I can’t remember what it was. BRB…